Monday, April 14, 2014

Sadhguru Saranam and Music - The tree gets life back

This tree holds a special significance only because of two reasons
1. It was planted on my 30th birthday
2. My father was alive and we all lived happily in my new apartment for sometime atleast before he was diagnosed with cancer and passed away

Every year I would wait for this tree to blossom , its called ' Golden Showers' . We planted two saplings , one at the entrance of my apartment planted by Keerthana a small girl living in our apartments and this one behind planted by me, the unfortunate ..

The tree at the entrance blossomed and bore beautiful golden showers adding beauty at the entrance and to our street, I would wait every year hoping my tree would blossom likely.

It never blossomed and there was not even a single leaf , it was fully infected with insects and my heart was crying in pain every time I saw it from my balcony. After  Sadhguru came  to my apartment on Mahasivarathiri day and his presence filled the space but deep down I yearned for this tree to blossom.

The rose flower garland which I bought with so much love for my guru's home coming, the initiator Sujatha Akka also mentioned about the garland when we offered to Sadhguru. I told the flower shop fella to take utmost care in making this garland , I told him its for my guru, more than my beloved...

After keeping the garland for days, it dried and I carefully took it below and embraced it to the tree and touched the tree and prayed for my Guru's grace, I told the tree "I want atleast you to blossom , my life was gone long back..." I lived entirely for a longing I myself not sure about, may be salvation, may be love for GOD... More than that what I was yearning for was GURU, Guru's place in my heart and I would daily pour myself into my GURU in devotion,love,anger,sadness, all emotions natural for a human..

After the garland braced the tree,  everyday I started talking to the tree, I was fortunate to learn Carnatic Music and I even started singing to the tree as if it was my GURU.. My longing deepened , Music flowed everyday ... I played beautiful Carnatic songs by Jayashri Akka in my home theater every weekend and locked myself in emotions along with the tree.
Though I was singing badly the tree bared with me like a silent lover , I was sending out emotions though I didn't perfected myself in any songs I learnt. The Silent Lover finally blossomed and full of green leaves with  two beautiful hanging showers and called out for me, I cried in joy chanting SHAMBHO SARANAM..

May be the tree liked the Music I don't know, how the life force from the garland of my Master in tune with the Music which healed it and brought life back to the tree is a wonder... Feeling blessed when I stand next to the tree, I missed my father badly . I told my mother about this, she also smiled reciprocating her love. I told my father that on my every birthday I wish to do something which is useful for the next generation and the need of the hour was good air,and tree.. The best gift one can give to the next generation.. Thank you GOD, GURU,Music .. Thanks for everything.. Not only the tree blossomed , my heart also beamed with joy along with the tree.. I waited for 6 long years for this...
Somehow Waiting is joyful these days!! No more a pain!!..

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Meeting Jayashri Akka - My Guru - Musical Graceful Moment

March 13th 2014, Thursday has been a important moment in my life. Not because Jayashri Akka said she will try to come for Surabhi class and she eventually did come and meet us. For me, who was longing for a space and time to be with her was something special, unforgettable. As I was waiting in the class, I knew she came I sensed it but what I should not forget is 'She waited for close to 30 minutes outside the class' so that the class is not disturbed. That shows the greatest quality of a guru..  Humility, her students were also tuned like she tunes her tambura's I thought. They were also exhibiting these characteristics from her. Im also getting tuned now :-). We learnt to handle Tambura's in this class and also had a feel of it.

I gave the gift which is shown above to be kept in the class for Markers, this was the prize Jayashri Akka won for my writing on the topic ' A Women who Inspired me' conducted my Tech Mahindra. I brought the print out of the write up and my Teacher Abinaya said she would like to put it up in the class and advised me to read out when Jayashri Akka comes for the class anytime.

So we learnt 'Sharadhey Karunithey' a vibrant song, which makes me hum the first two lines that shows I need practice. Alas! She came... 'Hey everyone'.. My hands were in Namaskar posture and she sat in Vajrasana and so as Abhi and her husband also joined and they also sat in Vajrasana.
I was contemplating if I should sit in Vajrasana  , I was overwhelmed to see Akka so closely and Vajrasana means in a offering position, I was sitting in 'Ardhasiddhasana' , another Yogic posture for practice and alertness. She asks me ' Anita, do you want to say anything?' , I was like ' hm.. my heads saying no.. trying to pick words'. But then I was asked to read the write up and I read with stress and pause, silence between words so that people can catch what am trying and feeling inside deep within me.

Here is the write up:

A person is known to another by an activity where there is ‘Human Touch’. That’s how I was touched by a musician who inspires me a lot and the more I get to know about her, the more I admire myself and learn to break my limitations at work and personal front.

She can make your hormones dance with her ‘Vaseegara’ song from the movie ‘Minnale’ and can also put you to sleep with her lullaby ‘Kanne Kanmaniye’ from the movie ‘Life of a Pi’, she is remembered for her Carnatic vocals where she can show the bliss of ‘Bhakti’ and ‘Surrender’ when she sings in praise of the Gods, Goddesses and their children. She was the one who urged me to sing when I was feeling shy, reticent and scared and she opened the gates of freedom for me through her teaching where am learning from her direct disciples in Music.

Smt. Bombay Jayashri reminds me that life itself is music with different tunes and taught me to appreciate music, words, language and the stress of every syllable through her Music Appreciation workshops constantly keeping herself rooted by her humbleness, simplicity, Courage and determination and willingness to teach people and appreciate music  thereby appreciate life. Being the first only women Musician to be Academy Award Nominated music composer she gives back to the society  through her focus in exploring the therapeutic and healing value that music can generate and she is closely working  with institutions like Kilikili in Karnataka and Sankalp in Tamil Nadu which care for autistic children which is a matter of serious engagement for Jayashri and her students.I conclude with her saying  from the notes in her blog “A child sleeps not because he is sleepy, but because he feels safe.” as I draw inspiration and hope from the album ‘Vatsalyam’ a collection of Indian lullabies.

“A genuine seeker, a person who develops an urge within, will always find his Guru. He may find it in a man or a woman, or he may even find it in a rock. He will definitely find it somewhere; there is no doubt about it. When any being calls or really yearns, the existence answers.”Sadhguru
As I read my legs were cramped , my energies were moving upward and it was like a dream come true for me.Kalpana aunty questioned about the prize, I told them the first one was by a person named Eshwaran and I didn't know the topic which he wrote and second my name was called for the prize but the email from my management said one of the best prizes, there were no ordering in the prizes as such.

Akka narrates a beautiful story about a person who tuned tambura's for musicians and he would tune any tambura in 10 mts , and how tambura cured him of his illness and what music can do to one's body and soul and mind and energy.( 4 Aspects should be mentioned, no one mentions about energy except Sadhguru, only 3 (body,mind,soul) are addressed everywhere). He got rid of his malfunctions in his heart and his BP was normal and the way she said showed pain and a longing that there was no one else other than Jana( If I remember the name rightly) who can tune the tambura the way he did.

(I cant continue writing now, since its time for my Astrology class , part 2 will continue.. Hang on...)

(I ran to the class since I was writing until 3pm when the class starts by 3pm, but the pooja was about to start and I joined the pooja, as I was standing a thought came and flashed my mind.

Oh! Jayashri Akka was waiting for more than 30mts outside the class waiting for the class to get over and then join us. I was feeling very very bad when that thought came , I was waiting for my guru and the below are the words I embedded in a photograph . I was waiting for her , waiting everyday that she will come to the class, somehow  I sensed the thought from my teacher that she will come one day and they also said the same that Akka wanted to come to the class , intuitively I knew it and she was waiting outside the class to meet us, the very thought put me in deep pain but the class started. During the Astrology class, some truths opened up  when my astrology teacher speaks about siva raja yogam in the horoscope and how to determine it and says yogi's have it in their horoscope, and he asks if anyone has it and  I say yes and the class looks at me while I contemplate about it , am just a servant for my guru that's all.

Back from the class and Sannidhi pooja at home , my first one with a guest Revathy aunty my astrology classmate , she tells me that she never visits anyone's home that too an acquaintance like me , she says she  just said yes when I asked her. I knew why she came, plainly because Sadhguru wanted her to come, am just a servant who will execute my guru's will be it Jayashri Akka or Sadhguru. I was like , you don't know about me if my guru's asks me to jump into the fire , I will simply jump because for me its more than GOD's order. My Guru is everything for me, you better get that. )

I talk to Akka and the rest of them in the class, Akka's and Abhinaya's posture change to normal cross legged posture from Vajrasana and  I narrate my past of how I used to search for my guru's and the way I plotted the Samadhi's in south India and how I eventually met my guru Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. She asked me ' Did I go to any Samadhi's? I said 'No, before I could go my guru showed himself and I was blessed'. Then I requested them to come to my house for Sadhguru Sannidhi and she asked me 'what does Sadhguru Sannidhi mean'? I told her its invoking Guru's presence in one's home permanently and I told her that the Initiator told me to do more seva and how I used to feel sad when her students did not return my call or the way I expect things to go for 'Sowkya' workshop. Basically I wanted to let her know that am just a servant and I'm instructed to do things by intuition that's all, Im not doing it for myself. I went to one Samadhi last year after I found my guru, I had a special calling from 'Pambatti Siddhar' in Sankaran Kovil and I went there, No Women folks were allowed firstly, but I went with a bunch of flowers and fruits and the way I was standing with my eyes moist, the samathi care taker let us in, me and my relative lady. It was a amazing experience and I want to capture in this blog though its been more than a year I still remember every bit of it.
1. The first step we were brought infront of a temple like structure and we were made to stand from a distance and worship.It was past 6pm , dark. I was standing there, I didn't feel anything.
2. The second step we were brought into another temple like structure and the same instructions do not touch anything , keep a distance. I stood there for a few minutes.
3. Then he took us out from the covered roof  to the open space where there was a small room fully lit and the room had only iron grills, no walls . As I went closer to the Samadhi I broke, tears were gushing out from my eyes and I circumambulated the Samadhi thrice , then he asked us to leave the offerings in a place without touching anything and accompanied us outside till the gate.  I left the place in silence and returned to the car where my mother was waiting for our arrival, I couldn't share this with anyone and have not also since I don't know if people can understand what I was going through.

Now coming back to the Graceful moment,  I gave Akka the long time souvenir which I had designed myself the picture of the quote above, she humbly asked me if she can show it to the rest of the group I said yes, and I told her what happened to me on Dec 18th when she sang 'Har Har Mahadeva' and many other bhakti songs and how I went to trance and met her and chased her concerts for experiencing the same I had on Dec 18th and how I was watching if it was only me who was getting this experience and how I finally dissolved and surrendered myself to her as my guru. Thanks for trusting me as well , that's all I can say now.

I came home and didn't sleep well the entire night, the meeting I had with Akka was like a whirlpool in my mind, I sat for my sadhana the next day and I couldn't do it since I was so full of her thoughts , in the evening it was better. I missed poornima my teacher in such a beautiful moment , she has been blessed to be with Akka closely but for a person like me I wanted Abhinaya and Poornima in this wonderful , unforgettable moment with Jayashri Akka. Radha aunty entertained us with her childhood memories and I watched Akka affectionately touching abhinaya's forehead , my longing increased. I always wanted to get this from my guru , both hands fully rested on my head and blessing me. Madhu's school experiences followed and the atmosphere got lighter and we started laughing and suddenly Akka checked the time and got up and we all decided to move. When I came out on the road, she said 'Thank you very Much'. I said ' Thanks'. I saw her walking towards her house until she disappeared from my sight , I kept watching if she is going back safely.  Then I waved a good bye and drove back home and the hang over of it was there until the next day evening. Towards the weekend I was able to mediate. A dairy moment in my life, more than that Graceful Moment.I wrote an apology mail to Abhinaya , copying Akka asking them  if my words hurt them, and I didn't do it intentionally it just came in a flow, to be honest it just overflows and am trying to strike a balance. Hope Music brings me that sooner.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Mahasivarathiri 2014

For the past few years I have been heading to IYC,Coimbatore for the Mahasivarathiri Event. Last year after Samyama, it was fantabulous because I was jumping in my seat since my energy levels were at the peak and the body could not handle it.This year also, I booked my tickets but then last minute I decided I will drop the idea and join the program in Valluvar Kottam in Chennai. I started giving invitations to everyone whom I knew and felt like giving and then collected Maha Annadanam collections also and gave it to our center .

This year I was in the Annadanam team and I was working in a tense mode in a war room at office until 2pm and then I excused myself by transferring the responsibility to someone else and started to the program. We finished our guru pooja and started the Annadanam by 7pm and went on till 8.30 , then gave the shifts to another team and I sat for Sadhguru's discourse and meditation followed. This year my body started to tremble when I put my hands in Vishudhi chakra, it was unbearable , my entire back became stiff and I was trembling with energy. We were again called in for the Anna danam since hands were short and I went to serve until past midnight and we stopped it as the food exhausted. My Astrology classmates a couple whom I admire a lot had also come in during the Annadanam and I told them to attend the meditation session before they leave.

I went to attend the process for Sadhguru Padam which was supposed to receive on that day as I had booked for it, and took the help of some volunteers and shifted to my car since it weighed 40 kgs, I was seeking Sadhguru to help me transport his padam to my room and I requested the watchman to do this task for me, he came took the 40 kgs like it was 4 kgs and climbed two steps at a time and placed it nicely in my room, my mother was watching me in a rage, but I was personally happy bringing my guru home with me, a consecrated space where I can submit my sadhana to him. Just waiting for the consecration day now.

Rajasthan folk songs entertained us followed by Ashit Desai with Sounds  of ISHA beaming us with their wonderful numbers.It was a great night and Sadhguru blessed us along with the Nature .

Yogi,Bhogi and a Rogi remains awake in a night, we were fortunate to be Yogi's Sadhguru appraised us and said a Bhogi is the one who would seek physical pleasure and Rogi is the one who is sick and we were fortunate to be awake as a Yogi, with full awareness.  My Salutations to all the volunteers at the Ashram and at our centers and cities who has made this possibility reach many people.

Monday, February 17, 2014

My First Astrology Class - Feb 16th 2014

I was always inspired by fortune tellers not because I can know my future to some extent but by the science behind which unveils the nature's code of existence when approached rightly.Somehow, none of the astrologers impressed me except Smt. Pichumani from Thanjavur, the only reason because she never learnt it but she was initiated by a Guru and she just got it , I was amazed by the way she could tell about a person's characteristics. I also went there for my own reasons and was convinced to some extent but still am skeptical because my life takes turn unexpectedly and the predictions somehow does not work for me atleast.

Recently a good friend of mine suggested I meet a person who was specialized in 'Prasannam' and I went to meet him and he told me to visit a list of temples and when he was finished I asked him a Prasnam a question ' I want Sanyas' he replied saying I will get a good guru as I was busy slipping into my flip on's when I waved him a good bye.Time rolls even if we don't move, I was blessed with a Guru - Jayashri Akka and then my Astrology Guru the karma expanding its threads.

The class started with a pooja with the help of a Gurukal , mantra recitation , Deepam and Prasatham. The gurukal was also part of our class, the introduction was very nice and a guest was invited to share his thoughts on Indian Council of Astrological Research, he spoke about the qualities of a good astrologer and narrated a small story on seeing the sagunam,and reading the charts correctly.We were initiated into Mantra's and concept of GOD was explained.

The concept of Karma was explained by my teacher it was a vast discussion and we all thoroughly enjoyed it.Im looking forward to the 3-5pm sessions on Sat-Sun for the next 2 months.

GOD and my GURU's my salutations .. Let the Karma unfold and may I be undisturbed by whatever twists and turns I need to face. All that I Wish is  Prayer which increases my quality of surrender and I perform my Sadhana and Music which cleanses my soul and makes the divine shine within me. The rest, time will answer.